Wanna play hide-and-seek?

By Karen Zautyk

As you may know, there is a TV show called “World’s Dumbest Criminals.” We are often tempted to utilize that title in connection with local police reports, but that would be copyright infringement, plus, as is oft stated, all individuals are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.
Therefore, we introduce you to one of the “World’s Dumbest Suspects.”
The person in question is a 24-year-old Kearny man who managed to get himself arrested twice within an eight-hour period last Thursday.
He was first nabbed at 7 a.m. at Belgrove Drive and Oakwood Ave. According to Police Chief John Dowie, the man was “barely able to speak or stand,” but when approached by P.O. Wayne Shivers, he clenched his fist.
The officer grabbed said fist, which allegedly was found to contain 10 wax envelopes of heroin, stamped “The Messenger.”
The man was charged with being under the influence of and in possession of a controlled dangerous substance.
Processed and later released with his summonses, the suspect returned to headquarters at 2:30 that afternoon to pick up his property (by which we do not mean the heroin).
However, before entering HQ, he “decided to hide his Newport box containing two more bags of heroin” on the fender of one of the cars parked in the police lot, Dowie said.
One of the vice detectives reporting for duty “noticed him acting strangely in the lot and discovered the box and its contents,” Dowie said.
The suspect was rearrested and provided with accommodations at the Hudson County Jail.
Heroin arrests bookended the KPD blotter, the first occurring at 4:45 p.m. Sept. 9, when, at Midland Ave. and Belgrove Drive, Vice Squad detectives spotted a car whose driver was known to have an outstanding no-bail warrant out of Bergen County.
The wanted man, a 35-year-old from Kearny, was allegedly found to be in possession of oxycodone and drug paraphernalia, was charged and then turned over to the Bergen County Sheriff‘s Office.
The car also contained approximately 25 folds of suspected heroin and one baggie of suspected cocaine, police said. This led to drug and paraphernalia-possession charges against the passenger, a 26-year-old Kearny man.
On Saturday, Sept. 10, at 10:30 a.m., Officer Mike Andrews was on patrol on Ann St. when he noticed a man fumbling through the trunk of a 1991 Honda, Dowie reported.
Upon seeing the patrol car, the “visibly nervous” individual said, “Oh, s–t” and started to walk away.
Andrews ran the Honda’s plate number, and the vehicle came back as stolen, Dowie said.
Confronted, the fumbler allegedly gave a phony name, but after being fingerprinted at HQ, he was identified as a 27-year-old Johnston Ave. resident who was wanted on 10 outstanding warrants from three jurisdictions, police said.
The bulk of the warrants, six totaling more than $15,000, were out of Trenton. There were also two from Hamilton Township and two from Lawrenceville.
The suspect was charged in Kearny with receiving stolen property and hindering apprehension and was turned over to Trenton authorities.
Also on the 10th, P.O. T.J. Hernandez responded to a report of an overnight burglary at a Chinese restaurant at Kearny Ave. and Halstead St. The culprits had smashed the front door, and the cash register was found in the backyard. Det. James Torrado is conducting the follow-up investigation.
At 8 that night, Dowie and P.O. Jay Ward encountered two women who said they had been accosted and verbally abused by a man in Garafola Park. In the park, the chief and the officer found the suspect, who turned out to be a 23-year-old Kearny resident who was recently paroled from prison and was wanted on a $20,000 outstanding burglary warrant from Kearny, Dowie said. The parolee is now in the county jail.
On Sept. 13, at 2:30 p.m., at Oakwood Ave. and Elm St., P.O. Andrews saw a 20-year-old Kearny man whom he knew to have a $300 outstanding township warrant. The man was also found to have a bag of marijuana in his shoe, police said. He was arrested on the warrant and for possession of pot and drug paraphernalia.
Another sought-after Kearnyite, this one 24 years old, was nabbed at 2 a.m. Sept. 14 when Officers Ben Wuelfing and Chris Medina pulled their patrol car into the QuickChek lot on Kearny Ave. and its headlights illuminated him as he was urinating against the store wall. Police said he was found to have two outstanding warrants from East Newark, one from North Arlington and one from Belmar. He also got a summons for public urination.
At 4 a.m., Officers Tom Pontrella and Kevin Canaley were on patrol in South Kearny when they received a report of a possible theft in progress on Hackensack Ave. There, they encountered a 36-year-old Jersey City man allegedly attempting to walk from the scene pushing a shopping cart containing two large generator batteries. He was charged with theft and defiant trespass.
Also on the 14th, at 8:10 a.m., P.O. Pete Jahera recovered a stolen Audi that had been abandoned on Hoyt St. Witnesses told the officer the vehicle, reported missing from Englewood, and been left there by two individuals, who then fled the scene in a black Jeep Grand Cherokee. The witnesses had obtained the plate number, and that vehicle appears to have been recently stolen from Chatham. The investigation is continuing.
Finally on the 14th, at 10:45 p.m., Officers Patrick Walsh and Jay Ward responded to a report of two men screaming in the intersection of Devon St. and Oakwood Ave. Apparently, they were attempting to incite a third man to fight, but he was having none of it.
The screamers, one 18 and one 19, and both from Kearny, were charged with disorderly conduct. The younger of the pair allegedly tried to wrestle with Ward, and was also charged with resisting arrest. Both youths also face (surprise, surprise) alcohol-related charges.
The story ended at HQ, where the 19-year-old reportedly became belligerent toward another man who was being booked in a separate incident; additional charges of harassment were filed.

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