Dumb & dumberer


This is the sort of story that cries out for mugshots, but, alas, we cannot provide them. Both of the alleged perps are juveniles, whose identities are protected. However, we can share their sagas, which are separate but strikingly similar.  

The first began at 2:30 a.m. on July 23, when Kearny Police Officer Andre Fernandes  reported a 2009 BMW travelling west on Bergen Ave. near Chestnut St. “at a high rate of speed.”  As he began to follow it, police said, it accelerated and turned south on Kearny Ave., with “screeching tires and a large cloud of smoke.”  

(Readers might now like to consult a map of Kearny.)

Police said Fernandes, with patrol-car lights flashing and siren wailing, continued to pursue the speeding Beemer as it turned west on Wilson Ave., north on Windsor St. (against the flow of one-way traffic), west again on Bergen, north on Belgrove Drive, east on Midland Ave. to Schuyler Ave., south on Schuyler, west on Oakwood Ave. and then south on Ivy St., all the way down to and across the Bergen Ave. intersection — where (surprise!) Ivy St. becomes a dead-end. 

Faced with the choice of stopping, or crashing into the fence on the side of Franklin School, the driver chose to stop, police said. 

Since Fernandes had advised headquarters of his whereabouts through the entire pursuit, back-up units were waiting in the area to assist.

The driver, a 17-year-old Newark male, was arrested and charged with eluding, reckless driving, improper passing, driving the wrong way on a one-way street, failure to observe traffic-control devices and being a permit-holder in violation of the hours of operation permitted to a permit-holder. (Driving between 11 p.m. and 5 a.m. is prohibited).

While the youth was at HQ, the KPD contacted Hudson County Juvenile Intake, which advised that he could be released to this mother — which he was. 

The second saga (don’t put your maps away yet) started about 6:30 p.m. last Thursday, July 28, after Officer Richard Carbone reported that a 2013 Honda Civic ran a red light at Midland and Kearny Aves. When Carbone attempted to pull the vehicle over on the 500 block of Kearny, police said the driver feigned compliance but then immediately accelerated.

Police said the Civic then led the patrol car, lights on and siren wailing, south on Kearny, west on New Lawn Ave. — where the fleeing driver ran a stop sign — south on Belgrove Drive, west on Fuller Place and then south on Fuller, where (surprise!) it becomes a dead-end.  

Rather than surrender, this driver reportedly tried to make a K-turn, but Carbone blocked him in. 

According to police, he turned out to be a 16-year-old Kearny male and the Civic turned out to have been reported stolen from Evesham Township. (That’s down in Burlington County.)

The teen was charged with eluding, receiving stolen property, possession of drug paraphernalia (rolling papers), careless driving, running a red light, being an unlicensed driver and operating an MV while in possession of an open container of alcohol (Four Loko).

Hudson County Juvenile Intake was contacted and this time advised that they would remand the arrestee to the Youth House — which they did.

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